te gusta este vespa?
me gusto los rancheros
mm mm mmm huevos rancheros
LUCA LUCA LUCA
- Luca Makyl
- This blog was once entitled, "unedited. uncensored. unabridged. " Despite the name change, It's still the same old shit...
i am 25 and self absorbed. i check my reflection in the windows i pass by. in the past, my blogs have been highly censored. i care too much about what other people think. this is me...shit and all.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
and this is what makes me homesick...
hi rat
hi mama rat
hi girly rat
big fat sally rat
little skinny caitlin rat eyes
hi mama rat
hi girly rat
big fat sally rat
little skinny caitlin rat eyes
Thursday, January 17, 2008
a very gray day...
I'm sitting on my milo-colored couch in roughly the same position as I have for the past three days. And though I choose not to, I am physically able to remove myself from this life-sucking nest and this is what sets today apart from the past two. I’m overwhelmed by a consuming boredom that makes me think of Keri. I look out to the ocean and hope for a calming peace, but find only sorrow.
A gray sky, meeting a gray sea, and the lack of a notable horizon as though there is no beginning, no end, and no purpose.
I am not sad, angry, frustrated. Not happy, enthusiastic, or even content. I think I could die right now and, if given the chance to reflect on it, I don’t think I’d be fazed. I don’t care enough to do myself in and I don’t want to exert the energy.
So I just sit here and deepen the indentation in the couch, take in the stillness of the room, listen to the crashing waves, watch the flies buzzing aimlessly, watch the trees sway dully in the breeze, and feel empty.
The gray seems to be consuming everything—the green of the trees, the brown cliff face, this room, and my head. And, I’m pretty sure that soon, it’ll all be one large mass of gray that will simply be eaten by this life-sucking couch.
A gray sky, meeting a gray sea, and the lack of a notable horizon as though there is no beginning, no end, and no purpose.
I am not sad, angry, frustrated. Not happy, enthusiastic, or even content. I think I could die right now and, if given the chance to reflect on it, I don’t think I’d be fazed. I don’t care enough to do myself in and I don’t want to exert the energy.
So I just sit here and deepen the indentation in the couch, take in the stillness of the room, listen to the crashing waves, watch the flies buzzing aimlessly, watch the trees sway dully in the breeze, and feel empty.
The gray seems to be consuming everything—the green of the trees, the brown cliff face, this room, and my head. And, I’m pretty sure that soon, it’ll all be one large mass of gray that will simply be eaten by this life-sucking couch.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
virgo, you will be sexually frustrated and worked up...
big left for work at 1150. one hour later, i am still not dressed. i have accomplished very little today, but have looked at significant amounts of porn.
today's horoscope: "VIRGO: Experimental Uranus might put you on the hunt for new sexy exploits. So consider checking out a few erotic books or X-rated videos."
sigh. i guess this morning's masturbation sesh was in the stars. time to find some clothes.
today's horoscope: "VIRGO: Experimental Uranus might put you on the hunt for new sexy exploits. So consider checking out a few erotic books or X-rated videos."
sigh. i guess this morning's masturbation sesh was in the stars. time to find some clothes.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
a now-suicidal detective named luca
i have too much time on my hands. i get bored. i get to thinking. i'm an irrational human being when i'm idle. i'm a bit of a detective.
today, i have irrationally concluded that big took zoe sailing. i spy a bit. she's in my head and it's pissing me off. i googled her. i know, i'm lame. i'm not denying it. found this on her company site:
"Merry Christmas! We will be operational every non-public holiday day over the Christmas New Year's period.
But don't expect to reach us on the afternoon of Tuesday the 18th of December, as we'll be taking to the high seas (well, Sydney Harbour) for our Christmas Party."
and the next bit is where the detective skills come into play. i have big's work schedule in ical. december 18th looked like this:
LGS scheduled December 18, 2007 from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Invoice scheduled December 18, 2007 from 6:00 AM to 7:00 AM
Work (Harbour Sail) scheduled December 18, 2007 from 12:00 PM to 6:00 PM
kill me now. really, just kill me now.
i really should find new ways to occupy my time. i did draw a bit today. pictures of vaginas. they very well may be my specialty.
today, i have irrationally concluded that big took zoe sailing. i spy a bit. she's in my head and it's pissing me off. i googled her. i know, i'm lame. i'm not denying it. found this on her company site:
"Merry Christmas! We will be operational every non-public holiday day over the Christmas New Year's period.
But don't expect to reach us on the afternoon of Tuesday the 18th of December, as we'll be taking to the high seas (well, Sydney Harbour) for our Christmas Party."
and the next bit is where the detective skills come into play. i have big's work schedule in ical. december 18th looked like this:
LGS scheduled December 18, 2007 from 6:00 PM to 8:00 PM
Invoice scheduled December 18, 2007 from 6:00 AM to 7:00 AM
Work (Harbour Sail) scheduled December 18, 2007 from 12:00 PM to 6:00 PM
kill me now. really, just kill me now.
i really should find new ways to occupy my time. i did draw a bit today. pictures of vaginas. they very well may be my specialty.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
i thought about jumping again today. walked to the cliff edge and watched the water for what felt like hours. i picked two landing places. one that would kill me in seconds and one that i could possibly survive if i jumped and then decided against the whole suicide bit. i liked the first. the water was so confused and tumultuous that i found it calming. it made my head seem quite minor in the scheme of things.
the waves crashed against this one smooth rock and as the water coming off of the rock met the newly crashing waves, a pit was formed. i imagined being sucked into the hole and found it peaceful.
i thought about sailing and set design, my life, and my weaknesses. thought about my hangover and headache and wondered how i could be so sad after a great night. i decided that i'm manic.
the wind picked up to about 15 knots and the spray of the crashing waves was thrown 30 feet to the northwest and still reaching a vertical height of 40 feet. i decided that if i were to jump, i'd time it so that i'd fall with the spray. a misty and peaceful drop before chaos and sucking for air.
i thought about keri and did some quick math and figured out that it was the january when she was 23 that she killed herself. and even though i'm on the other side of the world, the situation is fairly similar. i thought for a while and drew up connections, but then decided i didn't want to be a follower. i convinced myself that if i make it through january, i'll be free.
i thought about andrew, but i don't know why.
the waves crashed against this one smooth rock and as the water coming off of the rock met the newly crashing waves, a pit was formed. i imagined being sucked into the hole and found it peaceful.
i thought about sailing and set design, my life, and my weaknesses. thought about my hangover and headache and wondered how i could be so sad after a great night. i decided that i'm manic.
the wind picked up to about 15 knots and the spray of the crashing waves was thrown 30 feet to the northwest and still reaching a vertical height of 40 feet. i decided that if i were to jump, i'd time it so that i'd fall with the spray. a misty and peaceful drop before chaos and sucking for air.
i thought about keri and did some quick math and figured out that it was the january when she was 23 that she killed herself. and even though i'm on the other side of the world, the situation is fairly similar. i thought for a while and drew up connections, but then decided i didn't want to be a follower. i convinced myself that if i make it through january, i'll be free.
i thought about andrew, but i don't know why.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
hey, girly, get a job...
Spent the day looking for a job—a "cash-in-hand". I came up with very little. The most intriguing being a full on body painting photo shoot for high resolution prints. If I can’t afford to eat, at least I’ll be able to endlessly gaze at myself nude, painted, and framed. Great.
This whole working visa rigmarole is really starting to be a pain in the ass. I’ve been in Sydney since the passing of the AMC-AUS working visa, but can’t apply, because I am already in Australia. So, basically, I need to leave the country, apply, be approved, and then I can return and work. Easy, right? Nope, because I’ve been traveling the world on a fraudulent passport (ok, I’m exaggerating—there’s a misspelling with my last name). So really what I need to do is call the US Consulate (weekdays between 2p and 4p), schedule an appointment to present my passport dilemma, wait several weeks for my new passport, leave the country, apply for a working visa, wait for my approval, and then enter the country again. And how, you ask, can I afford this if I don’t have a working visa in the first place? Very good question, observant reader, very good question.
I know, I could call in to the folks searching for bi/lesbian girls to roll around naked for a shoot, make out a bit, get some pics taken, walk away with nudey prints, sell the nudey prints, and then take off on my shit-ass adventure. Tempting—very tempting.
This whole working visa rigmarole is really starting to be a pain in the ass. I’ve been in Sydney since the passing of the AMC-AUS working visa, but can’t apply, because I am already in Australia. So, basically, I need to leave the country, apply, be approved, and then I can return and work. Easy, right? Nope, because I’ve been traveling the world on a fraudulent passport (ok, I’m exaggerating—there’s a misspelling with my last name). So really what I need to do is call the US Consulate (weekdays between 2p and 4p), schedule an appointment to present my passport dilemma, wait several weeks for my new passport, leave the country, apply for a working visa, wait for my approval, and then enter the country again. And how, you ask, can I afford this if I don’t have a working visa in the first place? Very good question, observant reader, very good question.
I know, I could call in to the folks searching for bi/lesbian girls to roll around naked for a shoot, make out a bit, get some pics taken, walk away with nudey prints, sell the nudey prints, and then take off on my shit-ass adventure. Tempting—very tempting.
Monday, December 31, 2007
If it weren’t for the fact that you are completely miserable,
I would be quite jealous and envious,
But because your money cannot buy your happiness,
I am not nearly as affected by your ever-presence—
Though having your name arise in the majority of conversations
Is annoying, your pedestal is lowered
By this ongoing self-pity, which has prevented you from retaining
What it seems you cherish most…
Or maybe you have just had an unlucky run…
And in turn I have lucked out, because if I had these stories—
Of your wealth, career, and random quirks—
And you were happy on top of it all,
I’d slowly be destroying myself in your shadow
And even more resentful than I already am…
But because you wallow in your money, work too hard, and are alone,
I rise above you despite the facts,
And I am happy, unlike you, at least for a little while…
Until you are next mentioned and bring me down again
But I guess it would be rude if I didn’t thank you
For all of the charitable contributions—
The clothes, loans, and secondhand goods (boyfriend included)—
So thank you, ever present one, and maybe someday
I can forget you long enough
And it will be then that I can finally stop resenting you.
I would be quite jealous and envious,
But because your money cannot buy your happiness,
I am not nearly as affected by your ever-presence—
Though having your name arise in the majority of conversations
Is annoying, your pedestal is lowered
By this ongoing self-pity, which has prevented you from retaining
What it seems you cherish most…
Or maybe you have just had an unlucky run…
And in turn I have lucked out, because if I had these stories—
Of your wealth, career, and random quirks—
And you were happy on top of it all,
I’d slowly be destroying myself in your shadow
And even more resentful than I already am…
But because you wallow in your money, work too hard, and are alone,
I rise above you despite the facts,
And I am happy, unlike you, at least for a little while…
Until you are next mentioned and bring me down again
But I guess it would be rude if I didn’t thank you
For all of the charitable contributions—
The clothes, loans, and secondhand goods (boyfriend included)—
So thank you, ever present one, and maybe someday
I can forget you long enough
And it will be then that I can finally stop resenting you.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Coming to you From the Melbourne Airport
Dear people (over age 15) who travel on planes with pillows from home,
Because you are traveling with your very own and very special pillow, I am completely aware of the fact that you are not well traveled or accustomed to flying. However, do know that pillows are frequently provided for passengers on planes. This means you can save yourself the humiliation of carrying your dirty-ass pillow through the airport. And it will save other travelers as well, because, quite frankly, the rest of the world has no interest in seeing how greasy your hair is or how much you drool.
So next time you’re flying to see your friends and family, think of the others you may offend along the way, and leave mickey, hello kitty, and smelly yellow at home. Thanks in advance for your cooperation and thank you for choosing to fly with us. Enjoy your stay in beautiful Sydney (where hotels/motels/hostels provide pillows as well).
Because you are traveling with your very own and very special pillow, I am completely aware of the fact that you are not well traveled or accustomed to flying. However, do know that pillows are frequently provided for passengers on planes. This means you can save yourself the humiliation of carrying your dirty-ass pillow through the airport. And it will save other travelers as well, because, quite frankly, the rest of the world has no interest in seeing how greasy your hair is or how much you drool.
So next time you’re flying to see your friends and family, think of the others you may offend along the way, and leave mickey, hello kitty, and smelly yellow at home. Thanks in advance for your cooperation and thank you for choosing to fly with us. Enjoy your stay in beautiful Sydney (where hotels/motels/hostels provide pillows as well).
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
two days in paris
i went to the movies last night. alone. and yes, i do feel the need to mention that i went "alone", because it makes me feel way more independent than i really am. and that's something i need right now.
prior to going in, i picked up some promo material on the film. learned that julie delpey had also been in a film called Killing Zoe. i laughed out loud. and since i had already decided that Two Days in Paris was going to reveal all on my current relationship, i knew this Killing Zoe business was just another connection.
based on the TDP trailer alone, i had concluded that i was the american boyfriend (skeptical and out of place) and that big was the french blonde (witty and stocked to the rim with ex girlfriends).
three minutes into the film, i no longer wanted to be the neurotic, paranoid, irritating american, so i spent the next 45 minutes dwelling on it. and though there were major connections to my life throughout the film, i decided that marion and jack were not luca and big. and though a little disappointed, i was ok and enjoyed the film anyway. quite a bit.
prior to going in, i picked up some promo material on the film. learned that julie delpey had also been in a film called Killing Zoe. i laughed out loud. and since i had already decided that Two Days in Paris was going to reveal all on my current relationship, i knew this Killing Zoe business was just another connection.
based on the TDP trailer alone, i had concluded that i was the american boyfriend (skeptical and out of place) and that big was the french blonde (witty and stocked to the rim with ex girlfriends).
three minutes into the film, i no longer wanted to be the neurotic, paranoid, irritating american, so i spent the next 45 minutes dwelling on it. and though there were major connections to my life throughout the film, i decided that marion and jack were not luca and big. and though a little disappointed, i was ok and enjoyed the film anyway. quite a bit.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
verbal diarrhea
bitchity bitch bitch bitch. bitchity bitch bitch.
i'm a miserable little ungrateful shit that brings everyone around me down.
i had corn fritters for breakfast and i have the shits.
i want to throw expensive and highly breakable stuff off a cliff.
my arms hurt. i like surfing.
i'm a jealous jealous woman. i'm rolling in it.
i'm a miserable little ungrateful shit that brings everyone around me down.
i had corn fritters for breakfast and i have the shits.
i want to throw expensive and highly breakable stuff off a cliff.
my arms hurt. i like surfing.
i'm a jealous jealous woman. i'm rolling in it.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
brought to you from the kitchen...
my potato grew this. i thought it looked like a spider, so i took a picture.
Saturday, December 8, 2007
new (and very serious) complaints
i've developed a nose twitch. it's like an eye twitch, but more rabbit-like. i've been stressed and anxious and now my left nostril lets the whole city know. i don't know what the exact reason for this anxiety is (well, besides the obvious nose twitch), but ever since i blew up monday morning i've been edgy, irritable, and a complete drag. it's becoming a real issue (for reasons other than my new twitch); for example: i have had sex once (1 time) in the past week and half (10 days).
so the reason for this big blow up, you ask? it's petty. i'm ok with it. basically, zoe. i just don't like her. i'm entitled to it. ex-girlfriend, she gets in the way, they do coffee, and she's a power player. personally, i think that's all reason enough. but you know, there is more. and it's big.
big and ugly, anyway. correct me if i'm wrong, but garden art is so 60 year old woman. and this is why i really don't want her big honkin' hunk of concrete or whatever the hell it is corrupting my yard.
i've asked big to have her take it out of here. hall it off to wherever hideous garden art goes. he says i need to be patient.
I'LL SHOW YOU PATIENCE...
i swear it's another one of her power plays. a slap in the face saying, "see, he still likes me enough to keep my stupid shit around." well, at least it's almost tolerable now.
so the reason for this big blow up, you ask? it's petty. i'm ok with it. basically, zoe. i just don't like her. i'm entitled to it. ex-girlfriend, she gets in the way, they do coffee, and she's a power player. personally, i think that's all reason enough. but you know, there is more. and it's big.
big and ugly, anyway. correct me if i'm wrong, but garden art is so 60 year old woman. and this is why i really don't want her big honkin' hunk of concrete or whatever the hell it is corrupting my yard.
i've asked big to have her take it out of here. hall it off to wherever hideous garden art goes. he says i need to be patient.
I'LL SHOW YOU PATIENCE...
i swear it's another one of her power plays. a slap in the face saying, "see, he still likes me enough to keep my stupid shit around." well, at least it's almost tolerable now.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
complaints from my house on the cliff that overlooks the ocean
1) broken coffee machine
2) broken wash machine
3) ass splash toilet
4) broken fridge
5) stolen car
6) wilting flowers
7) bad attitude
8) ex-girlfriends
9) glare on daytime tele
10) mosquitoes
11) dishpan hands
12) fright hair
13) boredom
14) not enough attention
2) broken wash machine
3) ass splash toilet
4) broken fridge
5) stolen car
6) wilting flowers
7) bad attitude
8) ex-girlfriends
9) glare on daytime tele
10) mosquitoes
11) dishpan hands
12) fright hair
13) boredom
14) not enough attention
Friday, November 23, 2007
too many mojitos on tuesday night (and by too many, i mean two) and went all sappy. "i love you, i love you, life is perfect, blah blah blah". i'm paranoid, but have concluded that he's definitely not cheating. i ate too much italian food and had an orgasmic dessert. i've called the eating disorder off and i haven't run since monday. i love saying that. "i haven't run since monday". it makes me sound like a runner. "i haven't run since monday".
side note: monday was the first time i've run since high school. sigh. i'll work on it.
i've been watching the girls since monday morning and pulled an overnight with them last night. they're cool enough. still damn glad they're not mine. i went to mama's with them. it was a nightmare. when we walked in, there were 21 kids under the age of 4 and i'm pretty sure half were crying. and the other half were about to start crying, because their crazy ass mothers scream and panic every time they turn their head wrong. shit, Q ate it on the stairs yesterday and i about shrugged it off. damn, crazy mothers.
VO5 curl up went on sale, so i bought some. it's like fright hair in a can. no wonder this shit went on sale. they should repackage it and sell it to the circus. they'd make a fortune. "hey luca, bozo the clown called, he wants his mousse back." sigh. i love my remington straightener.
side note: monday was the first time i've run since high school. sigh. i'll work on it.
i've been watching the girls since monday morning and pulled an overnight with them last night. they're cool enough. still damn glad they're not mine. i went to mama's with them. it was a nightmare. when we walked in, there were 21 kids under the age of 4 and i'm pretty sure half were crying. and the other half were about to start crying, because their crazy ass mothers scream and panic every time they turn their head wrong. shit, Q ate it on the stairs yesterday and i about shrugged it off. damn, crazy mothers.
VO5 curl up went on sale, so i bought some. it's like fright hair in a can. no wonder this shit went on sale. they should repackage it and sell it to the circus. they'd make a fortune. "hey luca, bozo the clown called, he wants his mousse back." sigh. i love my remington straightener.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
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