too many mojitos on tuesday night (and by too many, i mean two) and went all sappy. "i love you, i love you, life is perfect, blah blah blah". i'm paranoid, but have concluded that he's definitely not cheating. i ate too much italian food and had an orgasmic dessert. i've called the eating disorder off and i haven't run since monday. i love saying that. "i haven't run since monday". it makes me sound like a runner. "i haven't run since monday".

side note: monday was the first time i've run since high school. sigh. i'll work on it.

i've been watching the girls since monday morning and pulled an overnight with them last night. they're cool enough. still damn glad they're not mine. i went to mama's with them. it was a nightmare. when we walked in, there were 21 kids under the age of 4 and i'm pretty sure half were crying. and the other half were about to start crying, because their crazy ass mothers scream and panic every time they turn their head wrong. shit, Q ate it on the stairs yesterday and i about shrugged it off. damn, crazy mothers.

VO5 curl up went on sale, so i bought some. it's like fright hair in a can. no wonder this shit went on sale. they should repackage it and sell it to the circus. they'd make a fortune. "hey luca, bozo the clown called, he wants his mousse back." sigh. i love my remington straightener.

life is perfect and i am happy. ultra ultra happy.

alright. so tonight is the night. right now life is great. big returned from hong kong. gifts gifts gifts. tennis racket, arcterex jacket. but i'll confront him tonight. and hopefully my life won't go to shit, because i like it right now.

i guess i write when i have problems or when i'm troubled. usually by a relationship. i'm pety and pathetic. oh well.

it's been a year and a half since big and i first started dating. maybe that's why i'm looking for issues in the relationship. i think i'm beginning to think that it's too good to be true, so i'm assuming he's cheating or has cheated. i'll never know.

if he has, i hope he'll admit to it. and i'll just walk away. maybe cry a lot first, then just walk away. and never date again. and i swear i won't.

but hopefully he hasn't, because i love him to pieces and he gives off the same.

the lyrics to "lloyd i'm ready to be heartbroken" are playing through my head. i don't know what they're about. i think heartbreak, jealousy, and blow. if big has been with other women during our relationship, i think i'll be able to relate well. right now i'm just hitting the jealousy bit. stop stop stop.

*He said “I’ll protect you like you are the crown jewels” yet
Said he’s feeling sorrier for me the more I behave badly I can bet--
Hey Lloyd I’m ready to be heartbroken
I can’t see further than my own nose at the moment--
Jealousy is more than a word now I understand
I know you can stay a girl by holding a boy’s hand--
I’ve got my life of complication here to sort out
I’ll take myself to an east coast city and walk about*

paul was right. i love paul. find a hobby, you need a hobby. he may be my savior. he just seemed to get it. sure, he was a little weird (the whole aura reading bit), but i think he was real. and he was honest. paul from QF128, if you're reading this, "thank you".

the hong kong shopping spree:
the reason: ultra lonely in asia, good for people watching, learn the trends (local and international), aus has lowered my self-image and i must compensate with loads of new shit.
the goods:

"fast like puma"--must get into shape to compete with skinny/pretty surfer babes.


good ol' chinese lesportsac knock-off. $2.00aus--how can i expect to get noticed without one?


fashion earrings--just a must have. obviously.


nokia 2626--because my other phone broke and this one was cheap.


and still, i find, i am incomplete. solution: shop more.

well, i've made it. australia australia australia. the place is amazing and big and i are redoing it to make it work for two. i love him. i love it here.

i've been catty and would like to pummel something; maybe even someone. i kind of have someone in mind, but i don't know that it would go over that well. basically, i was banned from my own business meeting. stupid bitch. for the most part, women just really piss me off. and in a weird way, i almost miss mma. oh boys, you drove me insane, but you were, for the most part, damn reasonable. sigh.