I’m in Koh Phangan. I feel ridiculous. I’m surrounded by beautiful people in a beautiful cove with excellent food and have a perfect bungalow. Just slightly out of place. I should be working.

I love it here though. It’s more resorty than I had thought it would be—had been anticipating a less discovered/more third world feel. The water is breathtaking. It’s very close to our bungalow—the crashing waves kept me up late.

We will probably stay here for at least two weeks, which means my birthday will be spent here. I think I’m happy about that. Hopefully we will have a few more friends by then. A friend from Boston happened to be staying here as well. So strange, but Big had recommended it to him knowing that he was heading to Thailand and he stayed a while longer knowing that we were on our way out.

I have stupid hair and miss my straightener. Most of the time it doesn’t even look like it’s attached to my head—just off in its own little absurd world. The other women here have wonderful hair. I don’t quite understand. Hopefully I’m only looking ridiculous to myself.

I’m having a hard time falling back into relationship mode. I think I am used to being the dominant one in a relationship, but I definitely cower and default to Big. I am trying not to. I need to work on being more independent—primarily in social settings. I’m feeling weak and lame.

He has been semi-snotty and I don’t like how he acts when he doesn’t get his way. I had only seen this once back in the states. Irritated that our service was slow—got bratty and was rude to our server. It’s happening more here—maybe a superiority thing? Got rude with a tailor, because the clothes didn’t quite fit and again when instant coffee was brought and not filter. It really got to me. Both seemed so minor.

Hopefully, he gets over himself and this is the last I’ll ever complain about him.

PS—sex in Bangkok was incredible.