i start course prep tomorrow. my time off is over. i do not feel rested. i went to the cape for some recoop time, but it turned into a stress fest. the holiday house alone was enough to send me into a panic attack. a small cape belonging to a coworker's deceased grandmother. italian american grandmother. basically, take a bunch of crucifixes, some last supper reprints, ultra gaudy 1930s furniture, and some creepy family photos and throw them up all over a little cottage and add an old lady/mildew smell. take this and intensify your current mental picture...that should just about sum it up.

i enjoyed my time with big. he stressed me out, though. incessantly talked about future plans and tried to alter my look. i guess i need to look more conservative to work on yachts. i personally find 0g ears and dark red streaks very pretty, but i guess the yacht-owning population prefers a more classic look. egh.

he leaves for thailand soon. right around the time i go back out into the field. and then i need to scrounge up enough money to join him. i can tell he doesn't think i'll be able to pull it off. he hasn't come directly out and said this, but i think he's pushing me away with the thought that these next two days could very well be the end. and he's not completely off. i'm a money pit. i spend it like i have it.

he met my dad's side of the family yesterday. it went surprisingly well. they all loved him and he seemed to enjoy them as well. i was nervous about how my dad would react. i mean, he was aware of the age difference, but he could have very easily played the overprotective card. linda, my step-mum, really liked him. really really liked him. i'm not nervous yet, but seeing as how big is closer in age (two years older) to her than me, i'll be sure to keep a watchful eye. ha. how very very odd.